If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
