If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
