Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
