Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
