I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize