ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
