well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
