If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
