My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
