if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
