I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
