Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
