Having a random hookup so left but love u
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
