You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
