He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
