I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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