Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
