Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
