Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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