And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
