I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
