thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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