So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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