You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I would ride that face into the sunset
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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