lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
