...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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