My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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