my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
