i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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