I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
