wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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