so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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