oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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