do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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