My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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