Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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