I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
