the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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