If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
