It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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