Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm going to jail i love you
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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