he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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