Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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