She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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