Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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