I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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