Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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