your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
