I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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