i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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