We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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