dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I forget how to act sober
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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