Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize