Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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