eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
