Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
