Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
