he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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