he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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