just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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