I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
