The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She's the barista slut.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
