she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize