I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
