Duck Duck Cougar?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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