if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
