I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
