If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
