That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
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