Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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