Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
a search helicopter?!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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