Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
