i just wanna soil my oats bro
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
