I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
