Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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