Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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