Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
